It is lonely to live with the one you love and know you cannot touch, hug or kiss them.. There is absolutly zero affection to put it simply, she has Amensia as to how we were the previous 6 years of our life prior to marriage. Messed around often but stayed celabit by choice. I have been a housemate ever since. I took my vows to heart and will not break them.
Turning 50 in June of was one of the worst days of my life. It hit me like a rock. I knew it was coming and dreaded the day that more than half of my life would be over with.
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My body has been changing, my brain and my mind are a mess. I have crazy mood swings that manage to turn into devilish meltdowns! So bad that if a stranger saw me, they would call the men in white coats!! To top it off, I have the sweetest husband but he's an awful communicator.
His communication skills have only gotten worse as he himself has experienced many stressful changes in his own life in the past year and a half. He was never a real big talker about feelings but noW it's pretty much non- existent. I want to talk and get some team support going and he is a clam trying to hide from the net! Being high school sweethearts and married 32 years together 35 you would think we got this goin' on right? Then in comes Mary Menopause! I am moody.
I fell like a loser, I feel ugly, I see other younger women as little witches that want all of my husbands attention. Of course he likes to look at a beautiful woman! What man doesn't? But what enters my mind is, who else, of course? Oh look at her, he likes that, I don't look like that any more, he wants that and not me! Has he said that?? That's just what this 50 year old brain thinks! This is the root of so many of the difficulties we are facing at this very moment. My insecurities about myself have grown into this monster who is taking huge bites out of my marriage and soon there will be nothing left!
What makes it worse is there is NO reason for my insecurities! He never makes comments or puts me down when he looks at another woman.
WTH is wrong with me? Why do I feel so awful? Why do I see my body, that certainly has so many minor flaws but none worse than so many people with disabilities or scars as a big ugly wrinkly, stretch- markey, varicose veiny, too skinny mess? I can't seem to accept this whole 50 thing! Bless my husband for putting up with my craziness. The threat of divorce has come into play and as I sit here tonight, alone, once again after another argument with my husband, I wonder how much more either of us can take. I know we are on the edge. Which by the way, it's back to the Dr.
I sense your pain and hurt and just want to encourage you. Focusing on our circumstances i. Bruce Hebel from Forgiving Forward has helped my wife and I as we traverse through circumstances not unlike the ones you describe. I was hopeless and ready to give up until I was able to see my own faults, flaws, and imperfections instead of focusing on my wife's imperfections.
I can now focus on bettering myself and loving her where she is with no expectations of her. We still have ground to cover but there is now hope. Be encouraged and don't give up. Marriage is sacred and it is worth fighting for no matter what changes we experience or go through.
Forgive yourself, forgive your husband, and forgive God. Don't give up; don't quit! You are not crazy I could have written exactly what you wrote This is by far the most challenging part of my life and wonder when all this will end? So many have told me menopause can last ten years!
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On top of all that I also am experiencing empty nest syndrome since my only child graduated college and moved miles away Exercise has saved the small slice of sanity I have left So glad I got on this site was therapeutic and cathartic to read that my wife of 23 years is not the only one that is going thru this. I'll set the stage: married since '92, 4 daughters 20,17,15,12 , she a stay at home mom, I have a career. I am 55, she is I feel so fortunate, I have great health, am reasonably successful however, with 4 girls, you can NEVER make enough , feel good about myself, have balance, and hope it all continues.
NO energy, has gained weight, depressed, constantly tired, has had trouble sleeping , has shut off from all her friends, has no social outlets , doesn't want to see people --anyone ever lived with a 51 year old shut in?
Over these last 3 years I have wondered if I have just enabled all this, not forced her hand, made her take constructive steps, and so on. However, in understanding that menopause can truly be a game changer, I have stayed true to her, and we continue. I will say things have started to get better; I took her to a biomedical hormone doctor over a year ago, and that has helped. We have gotten on a healthy diet wasn't that bad to begin with, but knocked out most carbs and sugar , and that also has helped.
As you would suspect, there is no sex life, no romance. Because her self esteem is so low, she's hard pressed to want to go to a movie, out to eat, anything. You don't have to be the hottest chick in the stadium, just have a good twinkle in your eye now and again, and I am all over it. Being older is in your mind much more than ours I can tell you that I am NOT interested in being with someone 15 - 20 years my junior. I've been raising 4 girls already, I don't need a 5th At any rate, reading about what some of you are going thru lines up so much with what we have here.
Flowers can't hurt. Make her feel special and loved and this will cheer her up. I am Michael your wife sounds a lot like me. It's not you or her, it's the hormones. I've commented on another post but it's like we are Eddie Brock and our alter ego hormones are Venom. It's awful. Continue to be actively loving her and letting her know about it. Sounds like you both are trying which is really good, but when one might not be, the other should pick up the slack. Not sure if you are a praying guy but if you are pray like your life depends on it because it does!!!
I'm so sorry you're having this much trouble. I am 55 and just began menopausal symptoms in Dec I began to dislike my husband very much because of his anger, which has been an issue for us. We can't drive anywhere together because of his anger. Strangely enough, because of a visit to a wellness doctor, I began using progesterone cream which didn't work out too well for me, but is working out very well for him. He has a high PSA and is concerned about cancer.
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We were told that progesterone can protect against certain cancers including prostate. My husband is using it daily and what a change in him!!! He is so much more compassionate and attentive to me. I wonder what he did with my husband. This has been a saving grace for our marriage. Just wanted to share. You are not crazy. I noticed that my self-esteem has plummeted as well.
I feel so insecure about everything since menopause. His change has really helped me in this way. You should read about it. Michael Platt, MD wrote a book called "The Miracle of Bio-identical Hormones" that didn't really help me, but helped my husband's personality.
Who knew? I hope you can get to a better place in your marriage and feel pretty again. It's so important for us women. I wish you the very best in health and wellness. Wow, I could have written all of this myself. My insecurities have rocketed beyond all control and I just cannot shed the anxiety that he is going to go.